Myths and Facts
These are some of the common myths you may have heard about LGBT domestic abuse.
Myth: Violence in same-sex relationships is mutual, a fair fight between equals
Reality: Abuse is a systematic pattern of behaviour by one person in a relationship to gain power and control over their partner. In some circumstances, the abuser may physically abuse their partner and the partner may defend themselves, this should not be confused as a mutual fight but as self-defence against a violent attack. When in a relationship it is not acceptable to fear your partner, this is abuse whether the person is able to defend themselves or not. This myth also fails to acknowledge the importance of emotional abuse which is used to control the abused partner and can often cause as much or more harm as physical or sexual abuse.
Myth: Abusers are always physically bigger or stronger than their partner
Reality: Abuse is not about physical strength but about one person abusing their power in a relationship, this can be emotional power by controlling everything, for example what clothes the abused partner wears, who they socialize with, when and where they go out, where they go out, threats to ‘out’ their partner to friends/family/work colleagues. This power does not come from physical strength but from manipulative controlling behaviour. The majority of abuse within heterosexual relationships is experienced by women from their male partners, this has developed an attitude of what the physical attributes of the abused and of the abuser should be which are not helpful in LGBT relationships when trying to identify who is being abused.
Myth: The drugs and/or alcohol makes them violent
Reality: Some abusers will only abuse their partners when they have been drinking or when they have been taking drugs, but some only do it when they are sober, and some do it drunk, on drugs or sober. Drink or drugs can provide an easy excuse, but it is more of a trigger than a root cause of violence.
An abusive partner will often try to minimise the violence or deny their responsibility for it. Blaming the drugs or alcohol may be one way of doing this.
Myth: The abuse can’t be that bad, otherwise they’d just leave
Reality: People stay with their abusive partners for many reasons, but not because it ‘isn’t that bad’. For LGBT people there are some specific circumstances that make it difficult for them to leave an abuser. LGBT people may be isolated from family because of their sexual orientation or gender identity and they may not have this support resource to draw on. LGBT people may be reluctant to turn to mainstream services because of fears of homophobia or of being ‘outed’. They may feel the abuse is their fault or feel fearful of leaving because the abuser has threatened to find them and harm them or their family or ‘out’ them if they do leave. Also, because domestic abuse is often seen as something which heterosexual women experience, some LGBT people may not actually realise that what they are experiencing is domestic abuse.
Myth: Transgender people wouldn’t get hurt if they didn’t try to act like something they’re not
Reality: Just like being L, G or B being Transgender is not a choice and people are not ‘acting’ like something they are not they are simply being themselves. Abusers will use any reason to justify their behaviour and ultimately domestic abuse is about an abusive partner exercising power and control over their partner and as part of this cycle blaming their partner for their own abusive behaviour.
Transgender includes a variety of gender identities, please read the gender identity information booklet in, signposts and resources - publications to find out more about what transgender means.
Myth: Domestic Abuse isn’t experienced by that many LGBT people
Reality: Recent research suggests that approximately 1 in 4 LGBT people will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lives, this figure parallels with straight women in Scotland, where between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.
Myth: The law can’t help LGBT people who are experiencing domestic abuse
Reality: In short, the law can and should. LGBT people have the same rights and protection from abuse as anyone else and can access emergency housing accommodation from their local council or housing association. They can utilise all aspects of the law under the Protection from Abuse (Scotland) Act 2001, for example an interdict with power of arrest. There is no specific crime in Scotland called ‘domestic abuse’, but there are certain crimes which will apply (for example breach of the peace, assault, sexual assault etc) and these are always crimes, regardless of who the victim and perpetrator are.