Myths and Realities
There are many myths surrounding LGBT domestic abuse, they can be unhelpful at best and can be very harmful to the person experiencing domestic abuse, as they can compound lies and excuses that have been fed by the abusive partner.
Myth: Violence in same-sex relationships is mutual, a fair fight between equals
Reality: Abuse is a systematic pattern of behaviour by one person in a relationship to gain power and control over their partner. In some circumstances the abuser may physically abuse their partner, and the partner may defend themselves. However, this should not be confused as a mutual fight, but as self-defence against a violent attack. When in a relationship, it is not acceptable to fear your partner – this is abuse, whether the person attacked is able to defend themselves or not. This myth also fails to acknowledge the importance of emotional abuse, which is used to control the abused partner and can often cause as much, or more, harm as physical or sexual abuse.
Myth: Abusers are always physically bigger or stronger than their partner
Reality: Abuse is not about physical strength but is about one person abusing their power in a relationship. This can be emotional power, through controlling everything – for example, what clothes the abused partner wears, who they socialise with, when and where they go out, where they go out, threats to ‘out’ their partner to friends/family/work colleagues etc.
This power does not come from physical strength but from manipulative controlling behaviour. As the majority of abuse within heterosexual relationships is experienced by women from their male partners, a generalised view has developed of the physical attributes of the abused and the abuser. However, this is not helpful in LGBT relationships when trying to identify who is being abused.
Myth: Drugs and/or alcohol make the abuser violent
Reality:
Some abusers will only abuse their partners when they have been drinking or when they have been taking drugs. However, some abusers only do it when they are sober, whereas others do it drunk, on drugs and when sober. Drink and/or drugs can provide an easy excuse, but tend to be more of a trigger than a root cause of violence.
An abusive partner will often try to minimise the violence or deny responsibility for it. Blaming drugs or alcohol may be one way of achieving this.
Myth: The abuse can’t be that bad, otherwise they’d just leave
Reality: People stay with their abusive partners for many reasons, but not because it ‘isn’t that bad’. For LGBT people, there are some specific circumstances that make it difficult for them to leave an abuser.
LGBT people may be isolated from family because of discrimination in relation to their sexual orientation or gender identity. For example an LGBT person may not come out to their family or friends for fear of being rejected and/or facing discrimination, at the same time this fear may be a reality for many LGBT people. As a result LGBT people may not have the means to draw on family support, even at the beginning of a relationship.
LGBT people may be reluctant to turn to mainstream services because of fears of homophobia or of being ‘outed’. They may feel the abuse is their fault or feel fearful of leaving because the abuser has threatened to find them and harm them or their family, or ‘out’ them if they do leave. Also, because domestic abuse is often seen as something which heterosexual women experience, some LGBT people may not actually realise that what they are experiencing is domestic abuse.
Myth: Transgender people wouldn’t get hurt if they didn’t try to act like something they’re not
Reality: Just like being lesbian, gay or bisexual, being transgender is not a choice, and people are not ‘acting’ like something they are not. Abusers will use any excuse to justify their behaviour. Ultimately, domestic abuse is about an abusive person exercising power and control over their partner and as part of this cycle blaming their partner for their own abusive behaviour.
The term transgender includes a variety of gender identities. Please read the gender identity information booklet in signposts and resources to find out more about what transgender means.
Myth: Domestic abuse isn’t experienced by that many LGBT people
Reality: Recent research suggests that approximately 1 in 4 LGBT people will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lives. This parallels the experience of straight women in Scotland, where between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.
Myth: The law can’t help LGBT people who are experiencing domestic abuse
Reality: In short, the law can and should. LGBT people have the same rights and protection from abuse as anyone else and can access emergency housing accommodation from their local council or housing association. They can utilise all aspects of the law under the Protection from Abuse (Scotland) Act 2001, for example an interdict with power of arrest. There is no specific crime in Scotland called ‘domestic abuse’, but there are certain crimes which will apply (for example breach of the peace, assault, sexual assault etc) and these are always crimes, regardless of who the victim and perpetrator are.
All images are for illustrative purposes only & all persons depicted are models.